I Get So Emotional, Baby.... Sans Whitney Houston

"Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body." ~ Elizabeth Stone

Maybe you have read this quote before or perhaps this is your first time. Either way, it's a powerful and truthful statement. 

If you aren't a mom yet or if you're a mom-to-be, consider yourself warned.

If you already have been blessed with a child or children, then you already know what it's like to navigate this emotional roller coaster everyday. 

For all the moms out there, take a moment to think of the emotions you experiences in a 24 hour time span. Most nights I blame my exhaustion on all the running around I do (the two flights of stairs in our house provide me with good exercise each day), but I think I'm also wiped from managing my waves of feelings. It takes a toll on you.

Here's an example... One day last summer Noodle got hit in the face with a toy at daycare. When I got the phone call at work, her teacher said she had a cut under her nose and it had been bleeding pretty badly. Panicked, worried and concerned, I rushed over to the center as fast as I could. I don't even remember the car ride because I was preoccupied with my flood of thoughts and emotions. When I got there, her class and teachers were in the cafeteria and Noodle just sat there quietly in a different outfit. She didn't run to meet me like she usually did. I saw that she hadn't eaten anything on her plate and she had puffy eyes. My heart dropped. Then they sent us off with a bag filled with her bloody clothes and shoes. I brought her to the doctor to be examined. Luckily there was no major concerns and it healed after a week. What a relief!

I experience great empathy when my girls aren't feeling well. My heart feels heavy because I wish you could do something more to get that stubborn fever to break (beside alternating between Tylenol and Motrin every 4-6 hours).

Then they are those wonderful and exciting moments that I will treasure forever. Like when they smiled at me for the first time, let out their first belly laughs and the day Noodle recited the entire alphabet perfectly. Gosh, those are great moments!

Oh and who could forget about the routine doctor visits, which entail vaccinations those first few years. No matter if it was my first or tenth visit, I still get overwhelmed with sadness when the nurse comes in to administer the shots. My heartaches as I look into my infant's face and see her happy smile turn into a fearful expression, and then they bellow out a terrible scream when the needle hits the skin. Oh, it's just so heartbreaking.

Some of my favorite moments are when I watch my daughters interact with one another. I love how Noodle will sit and explain things to Bean. Though Bean is too young to understand, Noodle doesn't know any different and goes to great lengths to point out things and to tell her stories. Bean just smiles and laughs. You can already tell she adores her big sister.

But, sometimes I find things to worry about. Bean might be playing around on the ground - happy and excited - and I think about "What Ifs." Like "What if she got sick with something terrible" or "What if she was kidnapped." (Ok, don't write me off just yet as psycho mom!). I think the fear turns into worry when I know I can't control everything in their world - like their health or bullying in school. 

Which brings me to the worry and concerns I will feel as my daughters get older. There's no hiding it that girls (and women) can be mean and hurtful. I dread the times when my daughters' feelings will be hurt or when they will be teased or bullied. I remember experiencing this growing up and I don't know how my mom kept it together and helped me get through it. When we talk about it now, she really opens up about it but she never let on at the time. She was strong and offered good advice. I just hope I can be like that with my girls if that time comes (I hope it never does, but I am not that naive.)

But I wouldn't change anything. After knowing all that I know about motherhood and time and emotion it requires to be a parent, I am so glad my husband and I embarked on this journey. The rewards are endless and the moments are priceless. Although, it's exhausting most days, it's well worth the effort and time because they are the most amazing little blessings roaming the Earth!

Motherhood has taught me a lot of things - mostly things about myself I never knew before. Probably the most important lesson is that loving with all your heart makes you feel complete yet vulnerable. But, in my opinion, the only way to love your child is unconditionally and with all you have. If you love them with everything you've got, then you know at the end of the each day you gave it your best shot. And that's all that really matters.

And for the worrying... and mommy guilt... I try to remind myself of this quote...

"Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but it gets you nowhere. " ~ Glenn Turner

Do you find yourself caught up in the same emotions? Please share your experiences and thoughts.

Sami